how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
