Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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