overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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