i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
