It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
