He uses pillows to masturbate.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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