well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
