I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
