u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
no you cant smoke seaweed
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
