About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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