I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
