OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
