Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
