peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
