This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
