She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
