I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
