; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
