I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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