so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
