Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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