It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
