Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
