I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
