I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
