Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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