He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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