my room smells like sperm. sweet.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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