About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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