The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'm always down for nudity.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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