There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
