you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
