I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
