Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
