i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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