ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
