Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
