ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
