It's a beautiful day for a hangover
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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