I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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