If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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