taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
