She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
