I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
