Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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