I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
My bed smells like the plague
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
