it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
