i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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