I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
