tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
There r osticjed everywhere
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
