Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
