I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
