when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
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