What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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