At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
